How to Cure Nick Bole’s Hyperactivity

Given the news that DCLG Minister Steven Williams has described Nick Boles as ‘hyperactive’ and ‘hated’ by Tory Mps I fear that poor ‘Bungalow’ Bob Kerslake and Steve ’70s porn star’ Quartermain may need some advice on how to cope with hyperactive boys.  No better advice than from the Daily Mail agony aunt.

The problem is that the term ‘hyperactivity’ is often used to describe excitable, naughty, restless or over-exuberant children. Needless to say, these are usually perfectly normal boys, whose behaviour and inattention come to light when challenged by the regime of  school [government] discipline and often overcrowded classrooms [offices at Eland House] …

you and his school [department] can try the following:

1. Have realistic expectations – avoid situations which may be impossible to cope with eg long assemblies or church services [meetings], protracted meals, double sedentary lessons.

2. Try not to criticise or make negative comments – your son’s self-esteem will suffer if there is a constant stream of adult complaints about him.

3. Encourage and praise him if he works at solitary activities which involve sitting still eg Lego, jigsaws, reading, homework, computer work [writing Policy Exchange Speeches]..

4. Build on your son’s relationships with yourself and others by sharing activities with him and by encouraging him in team sports [such as defending Micheal Gove or undermining Teresa May].

5. Try to identify what are the main distractions in his environment both at home and at school [work] in the hope of removing them.

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