Ayatollah Cameni’s crackdown on licentiousness

Residing in a modern liberal democracy is a temptation and an affliction. It is therefore forbidden in line with my new policy to restrict the licentious display of female body parts to protect the innocents.

You may have read in our official state murdoch media of our plans to restrict porn on laptops, ensure ‘lads mags’ are sold in brown paper bags and probibit ‘gentle thrusting’ on the X Factor.

However to ensure that no overt sexuality is displayed where children may see it it is necessary to prohibit women from wearing short skirts and plunging necklines, especially in this hot weather.

Particularly sinful is the slutwalk march in London.  I have therefore ordered the Metropolitan Religious Police to adopt the policy of shaming slutty protestors as in the rightious nation of Eygpt.   All found to be virgins will be released.

Further to ensure the universal use of innocent clothing I hereby dictacte the adoption of my new national uniform for university students; by adopting the fashions of the sweet little ones all sexual connotations are banished.